Friday, January 27, 2006

The End of Celebrity Big Brother UK


I am SOO bloody thrilled that George “I miss the USSR” Galloway got booted from Celebrity Big Brother here in the UK on Wednesday night. So did Dennis Rodman, although that is probably more because he blew up at Chantelle – the dizzy blonde Essex girl who I think will end up winning.

So the final is tonight, and in penance for my sin in watching such tripe, I wont be watching any TV after Saturday – as I am moving flats this weekend, from a furnished flat to an unfurnished bigger one with my girlfriend. As a result, I wont have a TV till the one I have ordered appears next weekend.

So, for Big Brother those that are left are:

Michael Barrymore: A rather sad and wornout man, who is obsessive about cleaning, cooking and keeping busy. He blows up about control over cigarettes, but generally has a heart of gold. You can see why he fled to NZ, and the British tabloid media will have another fieldday with him. He wont win, unless there are more older British viewers than I think.

Traci Bingham: Known for being a Baywatch babe, she studied psychology at Harvard, though it is unclear whether she graduated. She has been notable mainly for her Californian expressions of “loving” this and that, and “oh wow”, and for having big tits. She wont win because she is American.

Samuel Preston: Lead Singer of the band “Ordinary Boys”, who has come across as the young pretty nice guy. He hasn’t shown much else, other than defending Barrymore from an attack by Galloway, and his pent up sexual frustration with Chantelle. That is the main issue, as apparently his French girlfriend outside the Big Brother house is less than amused by him fondling Chantelle’s bum in the house. Having said that, he has a fair chance of winning – girls like him.

Maggot: A Welsh “hip hop artist” from the band “Goldie Lookin’ Chain” which is a piss take of gangsta rap – which is a good thing, since gangsta rap (or Negro chanting as Bob Jones calls it) is not music, but basically inane rhythmic poetry at best. Maggot isn’t the best looking guy, so he wont win, but he is largely a nice guy.

Pete Burns: Dead or Alive’s diva, who showed himself to be the bitchiest in the room, but also the person who was very WYSIWYG. You know where you stood with him, and he would get angry and then get over it. His appearance is notable for involving much cosmetic surgery, including lip enhancement which has gone horribly wrong (and which he is suing for), but also dressing rather spectacularly (and explicitly). Skirt which show half his bum cheeks off have been common. He claims to not be a transvestite nor transsexual, but that he simply likes wearing the clothes he wears – and that nobody criticises women for wearing trousers and shirts. He has been a polarising figure – many hate him for his cruel comments to many in the house, and for his possession of a monkey skin coat, others find him hilariously entertaining. There have been allusions to him having a beastly childhood, which could explain his character and nature, but he is definitely a star in his own right.

Chantelle Houghton (see pic): She describes herself as a bright (as in happy not intelligent), blonde bimbo. A Paris Hilton lookalike (largely by accident), she came across as being not very bright, but sweet and naïve. She acts very young, has the naivety of a girl ten years younger than herself, and is genuinely polite and thoughtful. She backed off Preston when it was clear he was worried about what his girlfriend would think, and she is the clear favourite to win. She is not famous for anything except this show – a nonebrity – she can’t sing, she can’t do anything besides look like Paris Hilton and say very ditzy things. Classic phrases like “what’s a gynaecologist”, “are you from Dundee” (to Maggot who is Welsh) .

So that is that – my money is on Chantelle to win. Britain loved Jade Goody, another nobody from Big Brother. A woman who has made a fortune being common, speaking explicitly and being ignorant (she once said “I thought Portugal was in Spain”). They will love Chantelle, she doesn’t make them feel stupid, she hasn’t done much – which most locals will relate to – and she is pretty and sweet, and not arrogant about it, which is hard to find unpleasant. She is sweet, but she isn’t special. She will make a small fortune out of doing nothing – that is way of culture today.
Those in NZ who care who wins can read it on the UK Channel 4 website.

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