Sunday, September 24, 2006

New definition of commercially viable

Hi, I have this great business idea. I think it can make a lot of money, it is commercially viable.
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There’s only one catch, I need your money, in fact I need money from all New Zealanders. $5 million in fact. I’m not going to ask for that money, I’ve found someone prepared to listen to me – he might help me out. You see he can force it out of you all – he can get his friends round to your house to sell your property if you wont pay – or he can make your bank give him the money, and then give it to me. He’s my buddy and he reckons it will be ok – he has done it before to a lot of you – I respect him and his family.
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You see I reckon I can run a train between Wellington and Auckland and make a profit, get tourists riding it, paying a high fare – and I can’t be bothered borrowing from a bank or finding more investors, when my friend can help me out. He’s going to decide tomorrow with his friends whether to force you to help me.
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None of the other ways to get between Wellington and Auckland are subsidised, but I am sure my idea is commercially viable. This idea of mine. It really is. That is why I need to make other commercially viable businesses pay for my idea – it’s such a good idea it can't miss. Not that I'll give the money back to you all after it makes money - it's not a loan - it is "economic assistance". So glad lots voted for my mate and his mates last year - otherwise I might have to find the money from people who want to give it to me, and negotiate with the current train operator - I don't know why business should be such hard work!
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UPDATE 1- My mate's not my mate anymore, he actually made a rational decision. He is quoted by Stuff as having said in Parliament "I very much doubt that running an extremely large diesel engine with three carriages that are usually less than half full is more economic than running a bus or two with significantly smaller engines over that distance". Sometimes there are flashes of inspiration!

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