Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Annoyed? Start a petition

10 Downing Street has a website where people can lodge serious petitions to the PM about various issues. If you ever wonder why Nanny State is alive and well in Britain, then consider the thousands of petitions that, by and large, statists promote for the government to run other people’s lives. Most of the ideas are crazy, showing how many people think the government is omnipotent and should be all encompassing (and authoritarian). Some of the funniest petitions that are still open (not rejected!) are:
- Charge fat people more for using public transport when they take up more than one seat space;
- Bring back public flogging;
- Get people to stop bullying other people;
- Stop wives from nagging men
- Require eggnog to be available at all licensed premises at advent;
- Extend child benefits to cats (petitioner's name is Mrs Cat);
- Forbid hairdresser and fish and chip shop owners from giving their shops silly names;
- Keep HP Sauce in Britain;
- Cut taxes on lingerie, sex toys, chocolates and cigarettes;
- Make Spanish the only language taught at schools;
- Ignore petitions with poor spelling;
- Ensure exterior lights point downward to avoid light pollution of the sky at night
- PM to stand on his head and juggle ice cream;
- Move Parliament to Bradford;
- Dis-establish the Church of England and ban creation of new religions;
- Force house prices down to 25% of their current value;
- Ban all online petitions including this one
- Recognise Borat as leader of Kazakhstan
- Acknowledge fetishism and sadomasochism as sane sexual practices
- Replace God Save the Queen with Gold by Spandau Ballet as the National anthem


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