Friday, July 20, 2007

Etiquette lessons of the month

Cellphone use:

  1. Older people, mostly men. Put your cellphone in your pocket (or on your desk if you're the prat sitting 5 metres away) put it on vibrate and turn it onto silent or meeting. Many of us can tell by the fact you keep the default ringtone on, and on a loud setting, that you barely have a clue how to use this device, and more importantly you don't know how fucking annoying it is to here that ringtone time and time again. I don't want to know that your phone has rung, frankly it isn't important.
  2. Talk quietly on the phone or go away somewhere to talk on it. I have as much interest in your phone conversation as I have in the contents of your stomach. Doing this in queues is the worst thing of all, it doesn't show you're important, it shows that you are too lazy or stupid to check voicemail and can't stand not having phone calls.
  3. There is something on trains in several countries called "quiet" carriages. In those you should turn your phone on vibrate and answer it only in the vestibule. If that's too hard, don't sit in the quiet carriage. I will sarcastically tell you off if you don't obey, which is nothing compared to my desire to take your phone and break it.
  4. Women. Don't put your cellphone in your handbag on a loud ring and spend the next 5 seconds rummaging around for the infernal thing so that in the last second it is so loud we all notice. Put it somewhere else and put it on vibrate, it will make us both happier.
  5. Beep Beep Beep Beep. Similar to 1. if you're too much of a retard to change the notification for text messages to a single silent vibrate, then you don't deserve the phone. One beep will do, but beep beep.... beep beep is unnecessary and rude.
  6. Airlines. Whatever airlines choose to allow people to receive phone calls or text messages should be boycotted. The Daily Telegraph has a campaign on this. If you are on a short flight, then you can cope spending an hour or two without the world being able to reach you or vice versa. On a long flight, people are likely to sleep, work or relax, and again what the hell are you going to do differently when you're on a flight? Ryanair and Air France are keen, well I wouldn't fly Ryanair anyway as it is the airline that has done more to lower service standards than any other, and Air France is disappointing, but then it accentuates the stereotype of French rudeness.
  7. Airline passengers. For fuck's sake wait till you're through the terminal before you use it. Who the fuck cares that "I've landed" while you're standing up waiting for the front door to open? If someone is picking you up, let them use their fucking eyes and look at the arrivals screen to determine if your plane is in or not. You have to be quite an absolute cock to suddenly turn your phone on when the seatbelt sign goes off, as if you have lost oxygen and you desperately need it. If you feel like that, get help.

In short, cellphones have one main use. The ability to call someone in an emergency or for business purposes (people working remotely). The secondary use is to text messages silently. Calls received should go to voicemail and people can pick them up later. It is possible to live productively without them going off infernally in public all the time.

and don't tell me your whinge and moan story about how much business you do with your phone. Fine, great, fantastic, just don't have the conversation in my ear and turn off your fucking ring tone. Got it? If you're that clever you can put it on vibrate.


Anonymous said...

Get a life. If I by a phone - it riungs, I answer it. Does it make a difference what the 'ring tone ' is? I don't find 'personalising' a ring tone necessary for my ego. So what if it rings in a restaurant and I answer it - that is what I bought it for.

If I put it in my pocket and it vibrates I might just get my mottled brain confused - so I let it ring.

I dont want to listen to your music but you force it on me, so listen to my phone conversation.

So what if my wife has her phone in her hand bag - that is what i made for and why she does not have pockets.

Beep beep for texts - see top.

Why should I wait until I turn on my phone. It suits me , that's why.

And you know what - I don't care what you think.

Libertyscott said...

Ah that's why asbo's exist, because rude cunts like you like to be loud and obnoxious and think you're so self important that we all have to make provision for your loudness.

Fine I'll have a loud conversation next to you when you are minding you're own business. I bet you honk horns late at night, shout and scream in the street if you can't figure out what politeness is. You speed up when you reach pedestrian crossings, honking old ladies crossing them, push into queues and jostle people without saying sorry.

When do I force you to listen to my music? Retard.

This people is one of the things wrong with society, people who are just rude.

Anonymous said...

Wrong on all accounts Libertyscott.

What is really sad is that you did not even have an inkling that I might be having you on. MMMnnn... dumbed down youth of today.

Libertyscott said...

Yes very funny, when I'm not working till 10pm at night I might figure that out.

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, you would absolutely hate me then. I'm constantly on the phone it seems.. moreso while driving than in doing anything else, but I think that's because I get bored driving.....

And I have to say that I am totally that girl.. or well.. I guess I'm a woman now, right? That has the screaming toddler and then turns on her cell phone right as the plane lands.. and I'm without a doubt the person that hops right on the phone in the airport to announce to whoever is waiting on me that I've landed. However, that's because I'm quite important, doncha know?