Thursday, May 11, 2006

Nanny teaches you about spending your own money

Now I hope all you boys and girls are listening ok? Good. Now I know you’ve been complaining about the price of petrol, because those big bad men in those evil overseas oil companies (class go booooooo!!) have been putting up the prices so you can’t drive so cheaply anymore. Now I know that’s so not fair, so what we have done – Nanny State – is take a little more money off you all to pay for a website to teach you how to use less petrol when you drive. You see, no consumer based organisation would do this when we can use your money to pay for it.
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So class go here
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Click the pretty hybrid car, yes those expensive ones that use half the petrol of conventional petrol cars and you can look up your own car and see the average fuel consumption. Something you could get from the manufacturer, but we put them all in one convenient place just for you.
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Now click the distance, and you’ll see the more you drive, the more fuel you use. Bet you didn’t know that did you? The more you drive in town or at residential street speeds the more fuel per kilometre, and the more you drive on the open road, the less.
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Now click habits, this is where I really come in. Do you have your car tuned? Do you have your tyres correctly inflated? Do you drive moderate and smooth or fast? Do you use air conditioning or open the window? Well you should know the right answers to those – and you’re naughty if you use air conditioning too much (see here) or drive at 110 km/h…. you bad bad bad driver you, using up more fuel and killing children by the day.
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So, go to Nanny’s website, it only covers new cars and Japanese used imports – so most of you will find it useless unless your buying one of them or own one – and see how you could spend less on a commodity you buy.
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Nanny next will do this for shoes, shirts, electricity, fruit, bread, eggs and all the other things you don’t know how to spend your money on properly. You see Nanny takes a lot of your money to tell you how incompetent you are at spending the rest. (question: why does Nanny tax petrol so much?) Detention! Don't be so rude as to question the need to penalise your addiction to petroleum, haven't you had your environmental lesson today? It is one thing your petrol societal fee pays for. (question: Why doesn't Nanny make more petrol for us so the price can come down?) Nanny doesn't make petrol, Nanny makes websites and documents and laws to tell you to better yourself. Don't be so stupid. (question: Where does petrol come from?) Those evil big companies, it's all because of them that you can run cars, that addiction you all need weaning off of. Thing were better when you walked everywhere (loads of hands go up) No more questions!
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(waking up kicking nanny out of the way) As for me, I thought I’d check out a good car, not a pissy child racer one - the Aston Martin DB9, and it would use 16.6 litres per 100km – bargain for such a beautiful machine, don't ask the price because if you care, you can't afford it. It's a V12, so if 3 pathetic little 4 cylinder car owning Labour voters can get on buses or trains, then me driving it is carbon neutral :) and there would be less congestion.

2 comments:

writeups said...

How about eliminating the 41% of petrol which goes to taxes? The only reason fuel is so high is because there haven't been any massive discoveries for a long time, most certainly due to the excessive regulation and taxation on oil exploration. Repeal the RMA, remove taxes from oil companies and watch as New Zealand's offshore oil fields suddenley yield multi-billion barrel finds and trillions of cubic metres of natural gas - and as supply exceeds demand the price plummets. There, that's how to fix high petrol and diesel prices!

libertyscott said...

Hmmm the discoveries probably wont be enough to reduce global prices and NZ companies would be mad to sell oil to NZers at US$30 a barrel when they can sell it overseas at US$70 a barrel. The tax issue is there, but once you take into account government general revenue based spending on roads, the amount of petrol tax that doesn't go on roads halves.