After a week or so of unbridled seriousness, some humour - except this item exists.
The perfect present has arrived.
If you are easily offended by sexual material don't click and don't read on. This isn't suitable for children, or those who prefer the mating habits of animals
Not a present you want in view of house guests, children, or anyone excessively sensitive.
Not a present you want kept outside so any Tom, Dick or Rover can treat it as the town bike.
Not a present for someone who wont wash the "pink hole".
Not a present for someone who thinks such gifts for pets are a mark of the decline of civilisation.
Wait for the first owner to paint eyes and a smile on the toy, or dress it and wonder why it is no longer interesting to a real dog.
Wait for the first dog to tweet that Snoopy doesn't look how he does in cartoons.
Wait for the first comedian to use it as a prop in stand up.
Wait for the first animal rights activist to claim that castration of dogs should be banned, as they can be given one of these.
Wait for the first animal rights activist who will claim that anyone whose dog (not bitch) doesn't have a partner and doesn't have one of these, is having his rights infringed.
Wait for the first A & E centre or fire brigade call from the jackass who decided to have a go himself and got stuck.
Wait for the first images of someone actually doing that seeping its way online, as someone will somehow feel proud of what he did, in multiple positions.
Wait for the feminist animal rights activist who demands an equivalent toy for bitches.
Wait for the feminist animal rights activist who demands to know why there is only one hole.
Wait for the gay animal rights activist who demands that toys get made for gay dogs too.
Wait for the feminist animal rights activist who demands to know why there is only one hole.
Wait for the gay animal rights activist who demands that toys get made for gay dogs too.
Wait for the African-American rights activist who wants to know why the white poodle is humping the big black toy.
Wait for the post-graduate thesis paper written on why the manufacturer wisely chose the smaller toy to be white and the larger one is black, and how that reflects changes in capitalism's recognition of the sensitivities created among African-American communities over structural inequalities, perceptions of subjugation, racism, sexual stereotyping, and sexist portrayals of black women.
Wait for the cat lovers who laugh that anyone thinking of making one for cats has never encountered a cat.
